How to Replace the Big Ouch Boom Bam of Shame with Self-Confidence

Which one strikes a chord for you?

Low Self-Confidence    Low Self-love    Low Self-deserving

 As a kid, my Dad jokingly asked me if I had earned my allowance. I questioned it so intensely for hours and sprinkled it with guilt and shame until I cooked up a new batch of not deserving. This attributed to spending much of my adult life embarrassed to ask for payment in my work among other things. 

Researcher Bréne Brown, says that “shame is the intensely painful feeling that we are unworthy of love and belonging. It’s the most primitive human emotion we all feel—and the one no one wants to talk about.”

So this stuff takes courage. You can stretch and experience some gentle steps toward building your self-value and experiencing more abundance. This is the art of mindfulness and Being You.

Being willing to experience your lack of:                              Benefits

• Self-value                        –    Attracts more money and value
• Self-Love                         –    Attracts better quality people, kinder, more loving
• Self-deserving                 –   Attracts more of everything without having to work as hard.  

Would you say that these benefits make exploring a momentary discomfort worth it?

What’s a few minutes of exploring pain to a lifetime of suffering more shame?

Have you ever kept a secret that seemed to build up a great pressure in your body and emotions? And, when you finally got to share it with someone who didn’t judge you, you felt such relief.

It is like letting the air out of a tire or maybe even the Hindenburg flying craft.

The same with shame, the mere act of ignoring our shame has pressurized the pain to a stronger intensity. The feeling shows up in the body like an actual physical pain. No wonder Eckhart Tolle calls it the Pain Body.

Here is what you do:

When you are able to be with the sensation, free from distraction (in the present moment) without thinking it to death or judging it, the intensity will lighten.

It’s like saying; “I’m not going anywhere. I am here to observe this sensation and simply allow it to just be- to exist. I am not running from it.”

If you can take another moment in the future to repeat being with the shame again, you will notice that the sensation will be reduced or seem different. And thus another layer of intensity will be expelled.

It is very important to be kind to yourself in this process. Be a gentle caring friend to yourself. 

Now that you recognize it and faced it. It is now time to build the opposite of shame into your new life.

You will need to explore what it would be like and more importantly what it would FEEL like to be self-deserving.

Get out a piece of paper and use the power of steering your own attention in this new positive direction. First, write out a question at the top of the paper.

“What would it feel like to be self-deserving?” (self-love, self-value, etc.)

You will need to write, add more, tweak your written description until you feel your vibration begin to go up. In other words, you will feel more excited about being self-deserving.

(If you are not creating the money you want in your life, this is an important step for you.)

“Who do I know that authentically has a sense of deserving good things in her life?”

Write on. Write some more, and feel how you might feel with these similar attributes.

Own these attributes rather than push them away as “not mine.” See and feel yourself having these feelings.

Practice this exploration regularly until you have formed a new habit, a new way of viewing yourself. As you “Be it,” you will “see it.”  The world around you is offering more opportunities, more kindness, more giving and abundance.

Changes show in your relationships, your money, and self-value.  Be sure to note your wins in writing from time to time. And of course, always celebrate Being Mindful, Being You, and changing the World.